I recently came across a post that listed signs you're "not lazy, you're sick and still pushing." As I read through it, I found myself pausing at every point made...
"I cancel, then spend three days apologizing."
"I rest only after I crash."
"I work through flares so no one sees."
"I feel guilty on the good days too."
For many people living with chronic illness, these statements resonate.
What struck me wasn't just the behaviours themselves. It was the explanation that accompanied them. The idea that many have learned that their worth is connected to their predictably, output, and ability to keep going no matter what.
This realization can be uncomfortable.
The Question Beneath the Question
Living with a chronic illness is often accompanied by inner thoughts that others do not see.
"Am I doing enough?"
"Am I trying hard enough?"
"Am I just making excuses?"
Even on days when symptoms are obvious, it's possible to second-guess oneself. After spending many years pushing through pain, its common to no longer trust your own symptoms....
Instead of asking, "What does my body need?" we ask, " If I just push through a bit longer, can I get by?"
For many high-achieving professionals, this is par for the course.
When Rest Feels Like Something That Must Be Earned-
One lin from the post especially hit home for me:
"I rest only after I crash."
How many of us have done this ???
We tell ourselves we'll rest after the work project is complete, after the appointment, or after family obligations are met.
But our body keeps the score...
I've come to understand that one of the hardest pills to swallow (pun intended?!) In our journey of understanding our chronic illness, is that rest is not a reward for working ourselves too hard..... Rather, rest is key to safeguarding our health.
Yet many of us are never taught to hold space for that..
We learned to be reliable. We learned to go on. We learned to continue at all costs.
Those skills may be helpful, but chronic illness often asks us to create a new set of strengths: slowing down, being gentle with ourselves, adopting more flexible thinking, and setting boundaries.
Just Because You Can't See the Effort Doesn't Mean it Doesn't Exist-
One of the struggles of chronic illness is that much of the work is unseen:
Managing symptoms. Monitoring Energy levels. Planning rest. Attending appointments. Changing expectations. Making hard choices about where to spend the little energy we do have.
Others don't see that.
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