Emotional Needs in Relationships

When i am thinking  about my relationship,  Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)  keeps coming up. I wonder if it is the same for others...

When you are experiencing relationship distress,  does it feel like it is due to a lack of love?, or more about repeating  painful emotional patterns? 

I don't want to focus on  problem-solving or communicating more honestly.  I get tired of talking sometimes. I want to explore the deeper emotions and attachment needs that are beneath the surface of our relationship like a buried treasure chest in the ocean.

Here is what I have come to realize in my 51 years on this planet and on my second cohabitation..

The Fight Is Often Not About the Fight

We may be arguing about dishes, money, sex, or parenting. But underneath that, one or both of us is wondering...

•"Do I matter to you?"

•"Can I rely on you?"

•"Will you be there when I need you most?"

Sometimes one of us is having that all too familiar feeling of insecurity,  and we need reassurance  to feel safe.

Being vulnerable and asking for reassurance is scary, but it's a real emotional need that both partners have the right to  expect from each other....